I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
