I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
