Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
