It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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