so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
