Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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