is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
