Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
