Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
