so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
