I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
