i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
