My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
