I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
