Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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