You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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