this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
