Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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