I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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