The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
