i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
