I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
