Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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