she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Fuck appropriateness.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
