This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
