oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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