idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
