dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
where are my eyebrows?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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