God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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