There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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