I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
