i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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