im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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