OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
