Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
