its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
