OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
