I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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