doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
honey bunches of taint.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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