so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
