I have demons in me.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
