ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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