I love black thongs
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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