How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
