you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
