Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
