We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
