you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
