I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
