I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
